So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
