Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
