my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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