just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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