Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
