I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
