Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
