I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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