hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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