So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
