Someone shattered a urinal.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
