i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
