WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
