mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
