The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you told grandpa to call you daddy
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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