Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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