with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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