I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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