It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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