I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
