Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need to sanitize my soul.
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