I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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