i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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