the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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