just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
