He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
