went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I love you.
Bad choice
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize