he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
