worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
