It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
