you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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