you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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