i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He? As in you personified your dick?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
