You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
