she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
