Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
