three words: i give head
three words: not that well
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
