it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
