there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You ate ashes out of my bong
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
