were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize