I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
