Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
