he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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