I'm so fucking centered right now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
