just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
