I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
