I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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