i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
