i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
