Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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