His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize