I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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