My friends, they love my intelligence
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
