watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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