just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
