I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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