What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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