ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
