No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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