We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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