I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
