Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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