now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize