dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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