it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
