shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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