Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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