Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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