It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
