with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
