woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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