i need an iv and a liver transplant
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i drank out of a bidet.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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