I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
