I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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