"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
