finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
May the power of my ass compel you!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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