i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
