Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
