i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
