Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
