"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
