That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
