I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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