I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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