you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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