i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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