This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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