i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
