If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
