No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
