hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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