no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
